Obedience and the Connection Between Relevance and Trust

If you don't do it, I will .......

What parent hasn't had to finish that phrase? And what goes on the end of that phrase really doesn’t matter. The most annoying thing is that you even have to say it in the first place. What makes it so annoying to say? Because the previous statement to you is usually some question from your child that basically demonstrates that they are weighing whether you will be relevant today or not.
Previous generations maintained that relevance by spanking. The problem with physical punishment though, is that if there aren’t clear ground rules set up, it can become a pride issue on the parents part… a sort of secret weapon to pull out whenever the child isn’t listening. But like most clichés it is something that is easy to wear out. The other problem is that it often leads to children running from the house at age 18 (or sooner) happy to get out from under the hand of the tyrant.
So how does a parent maintain order in a home when trying to raise children without constantly resorting to physical punishment?

The challenge is being both just and merciful. Let’s face it; in the short term mercy is far easier. Being just takes a whole lot of work because it requires such consistency. Mercy can be doled out as soon as there is an apparently penitent heart. For me it gives new relevance to scriptural references to wailing and gnashing of teeth like Matthew 13:42. God loves us and really takes no pleasure in seeing us frustrated. The verse is simply commenting on a truthful observation that some of God’s children are not going to be too happy about the outcome of justice.
The exhausting and frustrating part of setting up a justice / law based system of management, is that you have to enforce it or it totally looses its power. This past week when we informed our children of a consequence of disobedience, they went on for a good 10 minutes about how we weren’t being fair, and that if we had told them what was going to happen, they would have been obedient……. And it reminded me of some other children --- the Children of Israel.

God brought them out of Egypt and wanted to make them his covenant people. He wanted to have a personal relationship with them, let them hear his own voice and be his peculiar treasure. He wanted to keep their laws simple and operate in a relationship of trust. Basically a simple relationship where he gives principles and guidelines, they choose to make what he says relevant in their lives, and he blesses them for their obedience.

However, while Moses was in the mount getting the written instructions from God, the people chose to demonstrate that a God who’s voice was so powerful that they were afraid of it, was not relevant if He didn’t happen to be speaking with that voice to them at the moment. They specifically went against what they had heard Him command 40 days previously.

Why? Maybe because he didn’t explicitly tell them up front what would happen if they didn’t.

In other words…. “If you had told me what you were going to do if I ignored you I wouldn’t have done it.”

And so we find ourselves in a cycle where energy that could be applied to sharing greater knowledge and blessing the people is spent on disciplining them. It is the same way with children. They really could have so much more fun, if they learned to trust and simply obey their parents.

The Children of Israel then got a very “if… then” law called the law of Moses. That mapped out corresponding consequences for just about everything they could do. It was an arduous law, very technical and complicated to live, but it was what they wanted…. To be told before-hand why God’s commandments should be relevant to them.
How much better it can be for us if we will trust, and choose to make what God says relevant to us. It has made me realize why “Obedience is the first law of Heaven” (Joseph Smith)… because if you haven’t learned that lesson, you can’t exist in that environment.

So how are you doing today? Can God trust you to be obedient? Or does He need to re-prove His relevance to you?