The Odd Pickle

My lips are hot… well actually they were a little while ago, and now they are not. (Thankfully).
Sometimes the courage to throw a whole hot pepper in your mouth and chew is really just foolishness. Honestly, I didn’t think it would be that hot. I was wrong…. I am usually so good about remembering not to let the hot pepper actually touch my lips. My lips haven’t felt that hot since I was 5 or 6….

I was young boy happy to be at yet another party at Grandpa and Grandma’s house. I don’t remember what the party was for or much of the party at all; but I remember the pickle. Now keep in mind that Mom had trained me very well that I eat everything on my plate. Well I went around the food table filling happily filling my plate. I was surprised at how many of the veggie trays had pickles on them. Of course that was fine by me, since I love pickles and having them on multiple trays justified for me that I could take more than one, which I happily did. One pickle in particular was very unique in that it was smoother than all the rest and had stem.



I sat down to eat my food and enjoy my pickle sampling. That was until I got to the odd pickle… that first bite was spicy. I was intrigued though… I had never had a spicy pickle before, so I took the second bite out of curiosity. With my mouth now on fire, the third bite was out of the duty to finish everything on my plate… the fourth bite was to prove that I was strong. Having made it half way through the pickle I decided it was now time to go find Mom and see if just this once I could get a waiver on the “finish everything on your plate” policy. It was then that I was informed that the pickle was a jalapeño pepper. I got the desired waiver, and spent the rest of the afternoon trying everything imaginable to try and cool off my lips.

It is amazing how everything else around you fades into insignificance when your lips are on fire. Pain has an amazing capacity to supersede the relevance of everything else going on.
I once again had to beg off of the “finish everything” policy tonight as I spit the fiery pepper out of my mouth that I was trying to be brave on chew up.

My kids did enjoy watching their father panic though, and they all got a good laugh.
So if life hands you a sour pickle, try to see the bright side and laugh a little: at least it is not a jalapeño pepper.

Obedience and the Connection Between Relevance and Trust

If you don't do it, I will .......

What parent hasn't had to finish that phrase? And what goes on the end of that phrase really doesn’t matter. The most annoying thing is that you even have to say it in the first place. What makes it so annoying to say? Because the previous statement to you is usually some question from your child that basically demonstrates that they are weighing whether you will be relevant today or not.
Previous generations maintained that relevance by spanking. The problem with physical punishment though, is that if there aren’t clear ground rules set up, it can become a pride issue on the parents part… a sort of secret weapon to pull out whenever the child isn’t listening. But like most clichés it is something that is easy to wear out. The other problem is that it often leads to children running from the house at age 18 (or sooner) happy to get out from under the hand of the tyrant.
So how does a parent maintain order in a home when trying to raise children without constantly resorting to physical punishment?

The challenge is being both just and merciful. Let’s face it; in the short term mercy is far easier. Being just takes a whole lot of work because it requires such consistency. Mercy can be doled out as soon as there is an apparently penitent heart. For me it gives new relevance to scriptural references to wailing and gnashing of teeth like Matthew 13:42. God loves us and really takes no pleasure in seeing us frustrated. The verse is simply commenting on a truthful observation that some of God’s children are not going to be too happy about the outcome of justice.
The exhausting and frustrating part of setting up a justice / law based system of management, is that you have to enforce it or it totally looses its power. This past week when we informed our children of a consequence of disobedience, they went on for a good 10 minutes about how we weren’t being fair, and that if we had told them what was going to happen, they would have been obedient……. And it reminded me of some other children --- the Children of Israel.

God brought them out of Egypt and wanted to make them his covenant people. He wanted to have a personal relationship with them, let them hear his own voice and be his peculiar treasure. He wanted to keep their laws simple and operate in a relationship of trust. Basically a simple relationship where he gives principles and guidelines, they choose to make what he says relevant in their lives, and he blesses them for their obedience.

However, while Moses was in the mount getting the written instructions from God, the people chose to demonstrate that a God who’s voice was so powerful that they were afraid of it, was not relevant if He didn’t happen to be speaking with that voice to them at the moment. They specifically went against what they had heard Him command 40 days previously.

Why? Maybe because he didn’t explicitly tell them up front what would happen if they didn’t.

In other words…. “If you had told me what you were going to do if I ignored you I wouldn’t have done it.”

And so we find ourselves in a cycle where energy that could be applied to sharing greater knowledge and blessing the people is spent on disciplining them. It is the same way with children. They really could have so much more fun, if they learned to trust and simply obey their parents.

The Children of Israel then got a very “if… then” law called the law of Moses. That mapped out corresponding consequences for just about everything they could do. It was an arduous law, very technical and complicated to live, but it was what they wanted…. To be told before-hand why God’s commandments should be relevant to them.
How much better it can be for us if we will trust, and choose to make what God says relevant to us. It has made me realize why “Obedience is the first law of Heaven” (Joseph Smith)… because if you haven’t learned that lesson, you can’t exist in that environment.

So how are you doing today? Can God trust you to be obedient? Or does He need to re-prove His relevance to you?

Irrelevant Until Proven Otherwise i.e. The Relevance of Candy

Wouldn’t a Starburst be fabulous right now?

So my obsession with relevance started in college. This was when I was a tutor, and was amazed at how a one hour session focused on relevance could turn a totally belligerent student who couldn’t comprehend the subject matter and is about to fail into a student who readily performs her assignments perfectly with barely any help from the tutor. That is when I realized that no matter how long it took, it was worth my time to ensure that every student I helped saw relevance in what they were doing…. Or I was wasting my time.

That is when it hit me… students aren’t lazy, it is just that EVERYTHING is irrelevant until proven otherwise. So why does the previous generation label us the entitlement generation and call us lazy? Weren’t things irrelevant in their day? Actually, not as much. The key difference is the information age. We have grown up with the assumption that you type everything on a computer, not a typewriter, and that anything you really need know can be learned in about a half hour as long as your internet speed is fast enough. I actually remember the day in my senior year of college that I discovered that there was a section in the library with books about programming. It had just never occurred to me that a library would have books about programming… I was amazed… both that the section was there, and that I had never even considered the possibility of it being there. Why? Because frankly, a library is cumbersome to use. You have to wrap your mind around the way it works… where as Google tries its hardest to make the data wrap around the way your mind works.

So we live in an age of cheap information. So cheap in fact, that it is nearly worthless. Because of this, those trying to get your money make sensational multimedia presentations that are designed to catch at least one of your senses and pull you in. Eye candy if you will…. And then professors wonder why abstract concepts in a text book can’t hold the attention of the student.

The digital version of candy is very much like the physical version. What makes candy so relevant?

Candy provides:

1. A sweet taste

2. A short term boost of energy

3. Variety

4. No commitment to anything long term (like making it through a whole bowl of food)

5. In most cases flexibility to continue doing whatever you were doing, without slowing down to actually sit down and eat it.

And it is amazing what kids will do for candy. Take a group of children and tell them to pick up their clothes off of the floor. The “Lazy” children will tell you they can’t, that they can’t see any of their clothes, that it is too hard, that you “must” help them and generally do anything they can to get out of doing the chore. But take these same “lazy” children who can’t find their clothes and put them on a field with Easter eggs full of candy, and with blinding speed the entire field will be striped clean in 5 minutes. Why? Because candy is relevant.

Have you noticed that all major holidays have moved to candy now? The idea is that parents and leaders can skip all the complicated preparation that children may or may not appreciate, and go with candy which is sure to be a hit.

And there you have a generation now trained in entitlement. We have been trained that we are entitled to a compressed extracted compound of the sweetest stuff, with no required commitment to go through anything difficult to get it. Why? Because that is easier for our parent’s and guaranteed to be relevant to us. The result? An obese culture, with health care costs spiraling out of control because we can’t comprehend that we can’t live on candy.

What does this mean for you in practical terms? That when you present, teach, or try to persuade, you either use candy (real or digital) to make yourself relevant to your audience, or you are irrelevant. The best speakers start their discussions with jokes. Why? Because it is thought candy, to make them relevant so that you will give them 3 more minutes before you pass judgment. Hopefully by that time, you are actually enjoying the feast enough to keep eating.

So the next time you are preparing to present, remember that you are irrelevant until proven otherwise. So be relevant fast… or at least bring candy.

I should have known better

So for a team building event at work, we were asked to read a book and take a test. The book is Strengths Finder 2.0 and the test is on their website. First, I am impressed with the sheer brilliance of the business model --> A website that leads you to buy a book that leads you to use the website (ie 1st you purchase the book, and 2 you provide contact data so that they can continue to market to you) .... but I digress. Not really though... because the business model would fall flat on its face (or would that be its book cover) if the book didn't provide information that is immediately relevant.....

So anyhow I discover that my top 5 strengths per there test are:
1. Strategic - (Read: I can tell you that your current course of action will make people hate you 3 months from now whether you realize it or not).
2. Individualization - (Read: I help you progress one on one better than in a group, and I help people who dislike each other cooperate just for the fun of the challenge).
3. Achiever - (Read: obsessed with results and doing whatever it takes to meet the objective).
4. Competition - (Read: Magna Cum Laude is so disappointing when you realize that it was that one hard class that someone persuaded you into that kept you away from Suma Cum Laude) - No hard feelings Bro. M
5. Responsibility - (Read: I tackle big things and want everything to always come out perfect or I go out of my way to apologize for not accomplishing the impossible)

So then I am chatting with a coworker who also just took the test who happens to have as a couple of her strengths:
1. WOO - Win others over - (Read: Makes fast connections and people like her because she brings out the best in them.)
2. Activator - (Read: Get going, get it done, make it happen, and do it now).

And I have the audacity to comment that I like her blog, but would not be a good blogger myself.

Well here I am blogging. I guess it is that whole achiever, competition crashing against an activator that finally pushed me over the edge. I really have been thinking about sharing my ideas for some time now.... I was just really good at coming up with excuses not to, till I crashed into a WOO Activator. So here I am.

Jumping back to my comment about the business model. Their success and status as a #1 bestseller is dependent on their relevant content. Relevant content means automatic generation of word of mouth ---> leads to automatic relevance because of the word of mouth ---> leads to more business ---> and more word of mouth etc.

So if your business could always be relevant, you would always be profitable. So how do you stay relevant? That is a question to answer in another post.

So for now thanks to the Woo Activators out there who get us Strategic / Achiever / Competetive types to get past our paralysis of analysis and start contributing the the world conversation.